THIS IS SOME TYLER PERRY ASS SHIT
See, let me try to explain my family dynamic for y’all. Both of my grandfathers and a couple of my uncles were long distance truck drivers. They rode motorcycles together. These negroes were thick as thieves, best of friends all the way up until death. They kept secrets for each other, helped take care of each other’s families….all that good shit.
Now let’s get back to the keeping secrets and taking care of each other’s families thing. Both of my grandfathers had fidelity issues.
First, Let me speak on my maternal grandfather: this dude decided to leave my grandmother after he met some chick on one of his runs. They “started” a family *it was more like just add my grandfather* but the dude i call my uncle may or may NOT be my uncle. According to momdukes, he is NOT her brother. LOL
Now for my paternal grandfather. He passed away in 1976 from a heart attack, so I never met the man but I DO know this: he met and married my grandmother, then they had 6 kids. Then he met my “Aunt” Betty, who happened to live by the office of the company he drove for. They had 3 kids together. By this time my grandmother had found out about my Aunt Betty and the kids, so they agreed to be civil with each other for the sake of the 9 kids involed. That agreement soon turned into a genuine friendship that is 46 years strong. The 9 kids between them spent time together at my Mom Mom and Aunt Betty’s houses. We ALL have family functions and spend holidays together.
Y’all ready for the kicker?
There’s a 10th child. Evidently, my Aunt Rose knew about her the day OF my grandfather’s death. She’s 9 years younger than my Aunt Missy *who we (meaning the “kids” of the family) thought was the youngest of the children at 43. No, My Aunt Katrina, whom I have dubbed Aunt Kat Because Katrina Is Too Fucking Long To Say, is 34. Four years older than me. In the course of a weekend, I became one of those people that grew up in the same era as their “auntie”, you know the type. The people you see in the club and they say “oh, i rode with my auntie and her friends.”
Aunt Katrina is the product of my grandfather and some lady in North Carolina. Evidently, my grandfather met this lady, knocked her up, THEN married her even though he wasn’t divorced from my grandmother. Keep in mind this was before the age of everyone having a PC n shyt…so he got that off. G-pop was a rollin stone ass playa.
The family decided to make it easy on Katrina by calling an impromptu Family Game/ Eat Yourself Into A Coma Session. She got to meet ALMOST all of her nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, and in-laws. She met my Mo-Jack *that’s what I call my Mom Mom Jackie, we’re not allowed to call her Grandmother or she’ll beat us with a fly swatter*. Shit was cool as fuck.
Aunt Kat fits right in.. She looks like us, she smokes/drinks like us and by us i mean the other coloreds..E has the asthmas, and she’s in healthcare like a majority of us. As the oldest KNOWN grandchild of my grandparents, I’m hella protective of my family. You’re not gonna just stroll up in this ho because you’re blood related and cause discord in my circle. There’s people that I see everyday that do that shit. But you know what, Aunt Kat is easy to talk to. She’s fun. The best part is that she was genuinely excited about being part of this clusterfuck of a family.
Losing my Uncle Tony in 2001 took a lot out of our family. Even though most of us have come to grips with the fact that he’s been gone for 10 years, there has always been that void. There will never be anyone to take his place. EVER. But on some really real shit…I have a new aunt and she knows the words to “Microphone Fiend” by Eric B & Rakim.
I thought I told y’all E STAY winnin out this ho.
PS- Below is a slideshow link to some of the flicks I took on Meet Your New Aunt Night