Old Habits

They are starting to creep back into my life.

Not the excessive drinking, I will NEVER do that again. I’m to the point now where I know what my limits are and I stop at them if I even get that far. I bought a bottle of vodka this weekend and had planned on drinking the whole thing. I had 3 maybe 4 mixed drinks and then left it alone. I bought three 6 packs of beer and maybe had about 5 total. I will continue to fight that good fight.

Last Wednesday, the Spidey sense went off a couple times. I have no control over either one of the reasons why it did, but they still bother me. It’s just the feeling that I may be “replaced” or something along those same lines that kind of bothers me. Maybe replaced is the wrong word. Maybe it’s the right word.

I stay up pondering things that I have no control over. It’s not my decision. The “new” Eyan is learning to just accept that no matter HOW much I want something, I don’t always have control over the situation. I’m learning to just let things play out.  I’m a doer. I fix things. The fact that NOW I have to take a passive role in some things in my life is warring with the way I’ve been since 1986.

I’ma fight that good ass fight though. I owe it to myself. And what/who I want is worth it. I’ll chill. I’ll be patient. I’ll make moves when I need to make them.

And that’s all I can do.

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