am not perfect. I am faulty like any other human being on the face of the Earth. I accept these faults and do my best to correct them. Sometimes I try too hard, sometimes I don’t try hard enough. I push when I should pull and pull when I should push. Sometimes my inaction seems like indecision, but said inaction is the result of me weighing the possible outcomes of a situation and choosing not to move so I can be a shield for when you need me to be. I don’t want to save you or change you. You don’t need either of those. I am a wall of security. I am a pool of relaxation. I am that favorite sweater that comforts you when you’re sick. I am that journal you write in when you need to vent. I am right about many things and wrong about even more, I admit that. I apologize when I should. And sometimes when I don’t have to.
Sometimes I’m too proud to ask for help. Or I don’t want to bother you with MY problems because you have your own.
I am deathly afraid of things that I’ve only told 3 people on the face of this great planet. But that’s fine because I face those fears like the goddamn stubborn asshole I am. Those fears? They cower in my presence when I work up the nerve to face them.
I lust. I love. I lose. I win. I care. I bleed. I cry.
I try to stand tall at the end of EVERY day because I TRIED to do the right thing. Not because of some personal reward that I think society owes me, but because I GENUINELY believed it is the right thing to do.
I am many things and nothing at all.
But most of all…I am here and will be until I am told to go. There are things that I thought I needed a few months ago that I realized don’t make any sense. There are things I thought I wanted that I won’t give a fuck about ever again. But there are things that haven’t changed since March. Or the weekend after my birthday. Or last week. Or this morning.
I am a man. If you can’t deal with ME being the man I think I should be..then Eyan ain’t for you, jack. It would behoove you to remove yourself from my life.