It’s been a rough week. A rough 2 weeks if we’re keeping it a buck but you catch my drift.
I had grand plans for my birthday week. The plan was that I was going to work the 8th (my actual birthday) and the 9th, then spend the rest of the week deliriously drunk and full then sober up Sunday. MAYBE.
The universe does not give a fuck about your plans, dawg. At all. EVER. The universe will remind you that you are inconsequential in the grandest scheme of things all while reminding you that you are still important to the fabric and make up of existence. I don’t know how the duality of that works out or makes sense, but it does. At least it does to me most times.
My aunt had a Lupus flare up which started last week (she says last week, I’ve seen that shit coming for at least 2 months but I’m not arguing with a 54 year old Black woman about her health). She thought it was a cold or a viral infection or the flu..or she caught what I had a few weeks ago, but that wasn’t the case. It was the first one she’s had in about 15-20 years so we were mad concerned. Mind you, she had been home from work since Tuesday thinking it was just a cold, finally decided to go to the doctor on Thursday and got admitted to Hahneman in Philly (one of the best hospitals in the Tri-state as far as I’m concerned). So that’s been super stressful. On top of the usual stress of trying to get her to eat better, exercise a little each day. Basically just take better care of herself. The docs decided to do this fancy blood cleaning procedure (i forget the name of it, forgive me. I’m working off 25 hours of sleep over the last 2 weeks here) and it’s helping a lot. She’s not exhausted, has her appetite back and some feeling back in her legs. Also the pain is gone. After she’s discharged from there, she’s getting admitted to a rehab facility by my house for another week or 2 of monitoring. I’m just glad she’s feeling better. She’s one of the toughest people I know and to hear her crying in pain unnerved the shit out of me. That itself takes a lot.
I didn’t have time to help at the golf tournament like I usually do because of all the things with my aunt. Everyone there was asking about her and it was draining on top of not getting any sleep. I just took the team pictures and left. I did what I could, fuck it.
I guess on to lighter (depending on your viewpoint) things.
37 doesn’t feel drastically different to me than 36. Or even 35. I know myself a little better this year. What I need, what I don’t need. What I have the patience for. I also found out this week that I MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY be open to letting someone take care of me which shocked the shit out of me. I think my friends were shocked that I admitted it out loud too. I really don’t like being a bother or burden plus I’m so used to being the caregiver when everyone is ran down or sick. It was weird. I think i’m over it. I hope I am. Shit is mad annoying.
Once again, I’m determined to not waste another year not taking pictures. I’m dead set on trying to shoot every week *every day if possible* if the weather is nice. I’ve been rearranging things around my house trying to set up a little photo studio or something so I can do some at home projects when the weather is crap. We’ll see how that goes. I still want to go on photo walks with the homies in their cities. So far the list is Philly (naturally, it’s literally right next door…or as next door as 1.5 hours is), DC, Baltimore, NYC and Charlotte. I figure that’s a lot of shooting and should justify me getting a new camera.
Speaking of new camera, I’m trying to decide if I want to go X-Pro2 or Sony A99II. I’m trying to go smaller/lighter body and lenses so the X-Pro2 might be the wave. Plus I like the images I’ve seen fresh off camera from them. It’s gonna be weird having an all Fujifilm kitted camera bag but such is life.
While I BBQ all damn year *even in the snow* it’s almost time for everyone else. I have to work on Memorial Day so I probably won’t be participating unless someone has a function over the weekend. I need me a fine ass woman that’s good at making plates and not eating said food off plate. I guess that goes back to what I said earlier. This is going to get stressful.
I can’t think of anything else to write. Hell, I’m shocked i’m 824 words into THIS post without deleting it. I promise I’ll try to update more frequently, be it with words or photos. Or both.
As some of my friends like to remind me “you don’t really have a life that allows you to make time ONLY for yourself. fix that.” I’m trying friends, I promise. I’m old as shit and it’s wearing me down.