1. If they didn’t do random drug tests at my job, I’d smoke a bowl or 2 tonight. Just to take the edge off things. I don’t know if it’s because I’m extremely tired or if this is the reason for my exhaustion…but shit is real.
2. I have 3 extremely strong beers in my fridge and I do not want to drink at all. Which is both good and bad.
3. Seeing folks in happy, healthy relationships makes me happy for them. It also makes me kind of jealous. I miss affection and all that jazz, but I’m also fighting fear of regressing how I used to be. People keep saying “you already know you don’t want to be like that anymore, so you won’t go back to that.” I know, but it’s still a real fear. A very powerful one.
4. I have a shit ton of fresh fruit in my house and it’s taking all my will power to not go down stairs and make the biggest goddamn fruit salad ever made in my area code.
5. I made some great ass turkey burgers today. Still nowhere NEAR as good as PJ the Arch Nemesis, but you know…I’ll keep trying. She really did put her foot in them jawns.
6. I hope I get these requested days off. I’d really like to hang out with PJ even though we’re strictly(?) friends now. We always have a good time.
7. Get the fuck out of your own way, Eyan. Stop over analyzing everything Eyan. Not everything is a fucking puzzle that needs to be worked out. Not everything is a major battle in a war for your heart, Eyan. You don’t have to consult your generals and determine the best strategy and tactics. You’re forgetting to smell the roses again, dude.